Thursday, January 12, 2012

House of Blood (2005)

   Wow,what can I say about this movie?Well it was definitely scary, just not in the way that they intended.House of Blood starts out with character Dr. Madsen getting into a collision with a prison bus.He's taken hostage by four inmates after a really cheesy shootout between the inmates and surviving prison guards, during which one of the inmates is shot.They insist that the doctor help the inmate and he assures them that he will not be able to help the inmate properly without some kind of shelter.Dr. Madsen and the inmates soon find a remote house in the woods inhabited by a strange cult whose leader, I noticed, has a really bad weave job (not that I haven't had a couple myself in my day). The acting was terrible enough when it was just the doctor and the inmates, but when the cult was added to the equation it escalated to a whole new level of  horrific acting, not to mention really bad script writing.The cult speaks in some really bad version of Old English.Why? I have no idea, but I do know it's extremely annoying.
   The cult apparently becomes possessed by demons daily, or nightly (not sure and could care less) and kill the wicked from what I could gather from character Alice's horrible Old English.The demonic cult proceeds to kill all four of the inmates and Dr. Madsen manages to escape and run into a SWAT team who's looking for the escaped inmates.He's taken in and interrogated as to why he has not only the four inmates blood on his shoes but five other people as well.For some reason he refuses to tell the cops that there were other people in the house besides himself and the inmates, maybe to save the cops from going in and being slaughtered (again, don't care). The doctor is then threatened with a whopping thirty days in jail if he doesn't cooperate.Thirty days?Really?Anyway...the doctor apparently doesn't cooperate and is on a prison bus being transported with a new set of inmates when the bus crashes into a lady who's just hit a deer.As you can probably guess he once again ends up at the house of freaks where everyone is, not so surprisingly,slaughtered.At the end of the movie there is yet another prison bus accident and even though I'm not psychic, I think it's safe to say that those guys also end up at the house eventually (please God, don't let there be a House of Blood II !!)
   This movie was downright painful.It was really difficult to sit through, however I did come away with an awesome new saying...ever heard of Bumf@#* Egypt? Well, I'll be using East Bumf@#* nowhere from now on!Even though I've been really down on this movie I have to admit that there were a few good gory scenes.The one that really stood out to me was when one of the inmates smashed the head of one of the demons into a bloody pulpy mess and it reconstructed itself a few minutes later.
   Okay, that was tough.I can't continue to try to find good things to say about this movie.House of Blood was given 2.8 out of 5 stars by Netflix, which is extremely generous if you ask me.I give this movie 1 star, 1 1/2 would be pushing it.It was undoubtedly one of the worst movies I've ever seen.I truly love to watch bad horror movies and House of Blood was bordering on being un-entertaining, even for me.
   The sooner I finish this blog the sooner I can forget that I ever saw this movie.I've posted the trailer if anyone cares to watch it (even the trailer is bad). I'm sorry to say that while searching for the House of Blood trailer I found out there is in fact a House of Blood II. I can't go there, but if for some reason I ever do, you'll read about it here.

5 comments:

  1. watching it now n ready to turn it off. Is pretty bad n still at the beginning

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  2. 'I haveth a clock not'

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  3. Horrible...blog opinion is dead on...virtually unwatchable...Doug Manson???? WTF?!

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  4. Sucks Monkey Cock!

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  5. I really like the film. It tells a story of demons who suffer blood lust and repeat temptation brought on by prison mentalities that lead to said temptation. Great plot. Poor enough funding, unfortunately.

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