Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Gingerdead Man 3:Saturday Night Clever (2011)

   The Gingerdead Man, a potty mouthed,horny confection (voice of William Butler), escapes from a maximum security research institute for homicidal baked goods and wreaks havoc in a 1976 disco roller rink after getting his hands on a time machine.
   Gingerdead Man 3 begins with a spoof on The Silence of the Lambs in which Clarissa Darling (Laura Kachergus) offers The Gingerdead Man (Let's just shorten that to Ginger from here on out.) a deal to be moved to a different maximum security facility on Candyland Island if he'll allow her to do a study on what ingredients make him a killer.Crazed activists break in and set free a wide array of of criminally insane baked goods that includes a slutty cherry pie and a perverted cream puff that earlier shot his creamy filling on Clarissa and told her he could smell her muffin (I know,I should have been done right then, but I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.). Ginger escapes and happens upon a lab where scientists are working on a time machine and of course kills them and uses the time machine.Ginger is transported right into the middle of a 1976 disco roller rink that's going to be crowning it's Roller Boogie Queen later that night.Gingerdead Man 3 now becomes a spoof on Steven King's Carrie, with a little bit of Porky's thrown in, and becomes increasingly ridiculous.Trixie (Kent Fuher), owner of the roller rink and overbearing aunt, introduces her niece Cherry (Paris Wagner) to everyone and makes it known that she doesn't want Cherry to be involved in any skating.Trixie also announces that it will be her last night open because she owes the IRS 85,000 dollars in taxes and a group of girls decide to have a bikini car wash to raise money to help her.The girls manage to make a whopping 3 dollars before Ginger hooks their water hose up to a tank of hydrochloric acid (Yeah,don't you know that stuff if always just randomly lying around...I'm pretty sure I saw a tank of it outside my local Walmart the other day.). It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happens after that but I have to mention that Ginger watched them wash a car and pleasured himself before killing them (I guess gingerbread men need lovin' too...but wait...who bakes anatomically correct gingerbread men? That's pretty funny, I might do that sometime.). Cherry, who is not supposed to be skating, disobeys her aunt and skates anyway and receives a makeover from a couple of girls.When all of the guys start to notice Cherry, Tammy, reigning Roller Boogie Queen for the past 4 years, becomes extremely jealous of Cherry and you immediately know there's going to be pig blood in Cherry's future.Meanwhile, Ginger is on a killing spree and everyone is too preoccupied with the Roller Boogie Queen contest to notice anyone is missing.Ginger finally makes his presence known to everyone and is eventually outwitted by a couple of children that got a hold of his time machine and brought back 4 of the world's most famous mass murderers to kill Ginger.
   Well,what can I say about Gingerdead Man 3? Hmmmm.... it was actually pretty funny.Stupid...but funny.It was exactly what I expected and I had fun watching it (Mostly because I forced my son and husband to suffer through it with me!Bwahahahaha!!). There was minimal gore and it goes without saying that the acting was terrible, but laughs are what I was really after and they delivered.Netflix gave Gingerdead Man 3 1.9 out of 5 stars but I'll give it 2.3.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Scar (2007)

   Joan Burrows (Angela Bettis) returns to her hometown to visit her brother Jeff (Christopher Titus) and niece Olympia (Kirby Bliss Blanton) where several years earlier, as a teenager, she and a friend were held captive and tortured by a sadistic funeral home owner.
   In 1991 Ovid, Colorado seventeen year old's Joan (Brittney Wilson) and Susie (Tegan Moss) are smoking a joint in the graveyard and decide to go spy on Bishop (Ben Cotton) who runs the local funeral home.They appear to have a crush on him for some strange reason (Come on girls...really?He wears a beret and plays with dead people all day...crushing on a mortician is too creepy even for me!). Bishop startles the girls just as they're about to peep through his windows and Joan gets a nasty scrape on her knee which prompts Bishop to invite them in so that he can "bandage Joan's knee" (Wow, I'm pretty sure that at 17 you can bandage your own knee Joan... slut.). Bishop uses chloroform to knock the girls out and takes them to the basement where he begins to torture them when they regain consciousness.He goes back and forth between the girls torturing one to try to get her to tell him to kill the other.Susie is the recipient of most of the torture and I cringed when Bishop poured rubbing alcohol all over the many huge gashes he cut into her legs.After Susie's tongue is cut out and he moves on to torturing Joan again she consents to him killing Susie.Joan later escapes and kills Bishop by stabbing him with a trocar which is used to drain bodily fluids from corpses.When Joan returns to Ovid,many years later, it appears that her niece Olympia's friends are being murdered by a Bishop copycat killer and suspicions are directed toward Joan.
   There is some impressive gore in Scar.As far as the plot is concerned it was somewhat predictable, it doesn't take you long to figure out who the killer is.Although it was pretty much your typical "who done it" slasher film, it was entertaining.Netflix rated Scar 2.8 out of 5 stars but I'll up that to 3 for torture and gore!