Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Slayer (2006)

   United States soldier Captain Tom "Hawk" Hawkins (Casper Van Dien) and his squadron that includes his best friend Grieves (Kevin Grevioux) are sent to a South American jungle to find out why several locals have been attacked and murdered. Shortly after arriving they are surrounded and attacked by day-walking vampires.When Grieves is later turned into a vampire their attacks become more organized and strategic due to his military experience.
   This was an extremely bad movie.While watching it I kept thinking that it reminded me of one of those awful Sci-Fi Channel made for t.v. originals.Well, through research I found out that's exactly what it is (damn I'm good!). I really can't recall a worse vampire movie (probably because there isn't one). I witnessed one of the worst puke scenes ever when Hawk and his fellow soldiers were on a boat and spotted dead bodies floating in the river.The actor had his back to the camera and turned around to spit a big wad of something out of his mouth that didn't even resemble vomit.Was their budget so low that they couldn't even afford to make vomit look realistic?At least there was some occasional good gore.There is a scene where a couple of vampires are playing catch with a little girl (it doesn't take a trained eye to see that it's VERY obviously a doll being tossed around), but then they sort of make up for it when the vampires rip her in half. Sadly, that was the best part of the movie.
   I knew Slayer had a low rating (2.3 out of 5 stars), but I made the mistake of thinking it might be decent because Casper Van Dien was starring in it.WRONG!Okay, maybe I was blinded by his hotness and forgot about Tarzan and the Lost City (1998). Even with the bad Tarzan movie already on his resume Slayer has to be a huge embarrassment.
   In my opinion you shouldn't even bother watching Slayer.It was so bad I don't even want to waste my time picking it apart and pointing out all of the stupid parts of the movie.I'd like to just move on now and remember Casper's good movies like Starship Troopers and Sleepy Hollow.

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